Story Profile: “The Screw You House”
Maybe I should have called this story “The Spite House.” It would raise a lot fewer eyebrows. Then again, it would defeat the whole purpose of the BOULD anthology, which is supposed to be as outrageous as possible.
This story is more of a Funderburke narrative than a mystery. As the story opens, Funderburke and his girlfriend Nerissa are on a double date with a couple they can’t stand. While the other couple subtly try and fail to make Funderburke and Nerissa regret their life decisions, Funderburke commandeers the conversation with the story of one of his student clients, whose parents have split up and are now in the middle of an assets split negotiation gone horribly wrong. As part of the settlement, the father was given a long, thin strip of land overlooking a cliff, his ex believing that no one could build on the land, and it was worthless. This proved wrong, as the angry man built a “screw you house,” a tall and very narrow structure not designed so much for living in, but to be an eyesore blocking the view of the person one despises. As the acrimony mounts, the tension leads to an unexpected resolution.
“Screw you houses,” also called “spite houses” and by other, even more vulgar names, are a real thing. They have been built solely for the purpose of preventing other people from being to look out windows, and to reduce the value of the neighboring properties. One does not want to get caught up in a conflict involving a “screw you house.” It can be very destructive. And depending on how twisted your sense of humor is, it can also be very funny.
“The Screw You House” won third place in the 2018 BOULD Awards.
–Chris Chan
Chris Chan’s first book, Sherlock & Irene: The Secret Truth Behind “A Scandal in Bohemia” was released on August 27thfrom MX Publishing, and is available for sale at Amazon.com and the MX Publishing website, as well as at Book Depository (with free worldwide shipping there). It is also available in a Kindle edition.
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